I so need for it to be Friday. After the emotion of the beginning of the week, I was drained. I'm still drained because now I've got sinus issues. I hate allergy season. Yeah, I took some meds. No, they didn't help. As far as I can tell, my body has been altered in no way due to the meds.
Clayton wants to go eat tonight. I want to stay home and sleep. I told himi that he and Andrew should go and let me sleep. He said I could sleep at the table. Wonderful. We also need to go grocery shopping, so I suppose that's what we'll do after supper. Reminds me, I need to finish my list.
I can't even seem to ramble, so I guess this is it.
Thursday, September 29, 2005
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
Held (Natalie Grant)
Two months is too little.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.
Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.
Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.
This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred
NUMB our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies
of the valley and tomorrow.
(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.
Bridge: If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.
I don't usually post song lyrics, but this one in particular speaks to me every time I hear it. I haven't lost a child. But, the sentiment for any trying time is the same. We weren't promised a life without problems. What we were promised is that God will be there with us through those problems. Something as big as losing a loved one or something as small as a wounded friendship, He's there and what a blessing to know and believe that.
They let him go.
They had no sudden healing.
To think that providence would
Take a child from his mother while she prays
Is appalling.
Who told us we’d be rescued?
What has changed and why should we be saved from nightmares?
We’re asking why this happens
To us who have died to live?
It’s unfair.
Chorus:
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.
This hand is bitterness.
We want to taste it, let the hatred
NUMB our sorrow.
The wise hands opens slowly to lilies
of the valley and tomorrow.
(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.
Bridge: If hope is born of suffering.
If this is only the beginning.
Can we not wait for one hour watching for our Savior?
(Chorus)
This is what it means to be held.
How it feels when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive.
This is what it is to be loved.
And to know that the promise was
When everything fell we’d be held.
I don't usually post song lyrics, but this one in particular speaks to me every time I hear it. I haven't lost a child. But, the sentiment for any trying time is the same. We weren't promised a life without problems. What we were promised is that God will be there with us through those problems. Something as big as losing a loved one or something as small as a wounded friendship, He's there and what a blessing to know and believe that.
Big sigh of relief.
My friend and I talked last night. We got past the issue we had. I was able to let go of my hurt and am now starting to heal. Sounds kinda cheesy, but true.
So...I'm looking at getting a teaching certificate. I think I may have mentioned that waaaay back at the beginning. I've received information from www.converse.edu about this program: http://www.converse.edu/CoEdGrad/mat.asp. It allows one to earn a teaching certificate while earning a Master at the same time. There are classes offered in the evenings, so I would be able to do it. The only problem would come in when I would have to do student teaching. That's a bridge to cross when I come to it, though. I mean, I haven't even decided if I'm going to do this yet. It's been in the back of my mind for about a year or so now, though.
My child is constant entertainment. Yesterday when I picked him up from daycare, he wanted water from the water fountain. Fine. He gets some. After several drinks, I tell him that the next one is the last one. He gets it and then goes for another. I have to pry him off the fountain. He cries all the way into the office. I put him down so he can walk. He proceeds to lay on the floor, refusing to get up. I walk out. I get halfway to the van when he decides that I really might leave him laying on the floor and gets up. Works every time. (FTR, the daycare director was standing there watching him and knew I wouldn't really leave him. She even offered to take him home with her). My other source of amusement from him last night was before we left for Bible study. The kid loves gloves and/or mittens. He especially loves them when he's 'driving.' He found an old glove of Clayton's last night and put it on so he could wear it while 'going faster' on his tricycle. Yes, it's the MJ look, but what can I do?
So...I'm looking at getting a teaching certificate. I think I may have mentioned that waaaay back at the beginning. I've received information from www.converse.edu about this program: http://www.converse.edu/CoEdGrad/mat.asp. It allows one to earn a teaching certificate while earning a Master at the same time. There are classes offered in the evenings, so I would be able to do it. The only problem would come in when I would have to do student teaching. That's a bridge to cross when I come to it, though. I mean, I haven't even decided if I'm going to do this yet. It's been in the back of my mind for about a year or so now, though.
My child is constant entertainment. Yesterday when I picked him up from daycare, he wanted water from the water fountain. Fine. He gets some. After several drinks, I tell him that the next one is the last one. He gets it and then goes for another. I have to pry him off the fountain. He cries all the way into the office. I put him down so he can walk. He proceeds to lay on the floor, refusing to get up. I walk out. I get halfway to the van when he decides that I really might leave him laying on the floor and gets up. Works every time. (FTR, the daycare director was standing there watching him and knew I wouldn't really leave him. She even offered to take him home with her). My other source of amusement from him last night was before we left for Bible study. The kid loves gloves and/or mittens. He especially loves them when he's 'driving.' He found an old glove of Clayton's last night and put it on so he could wear it while 'going faster' on his tricycle. Yes, it's the MJ look, but what can I do?
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Emotionally drained.
What makes a...change...in a friendship so emotionally draining? Maybe change isn't the right word. Rift? Canyon? Without going into details, I had a friend really hurt my feelings this weekend. She called apologizing and crying and saying she'd do anything to make it up to me. It's kind of tough to make up missing a once-in-a-lifetime happening, though. Something that was very important to me. I called her yesterday and left a message (tearful, but still, a message) on her cell saying that our friendship is okay. I so totally don't want to lose my friend because she hurt me. I haven't heard from her. Not even a 'happy birthday' yesterday. I'm so emotionally drained that I have been crying at the drop of a hat for the last 2 days.
Maybe I need to take the iniative and pick up the phone and call her again. After all, I'm the one who needs to do the forgiving. But, I put the ball back in her court when I called yesterday. Did she even get my message? I'm sure she probably did. She called the other person involved in all this mess like nothing ever happened. So, maybe it is time to pick up the phone and make the call. I know I'm gonna cry. I'm still a little hurt. Not as much as I was Sunday though. Am I bitter? Maybe a little. It needs to go. It's not helping me any.
God? Take this bitterness and hard feelings and hurt feelings from me. Help me to make the phone call that I need to make to begin to heal my friendship. I know there will be a scar from it, Lord, but a scar is better than an open, festering wound. God, my stomach is in knots because I know I am going to cry and I don't particularly want to cry. Give me peace. Thank you. Amen.
Maybe I need to take the iniative and pick up the phone and call her again. After all, I'm the one who needs to do the forgiving. But, I put the ball back in her court when I called yesterday. Did she even get my message? I'm sure she probably did. She called the other person involved in all this mess like nothing ever happened. So, maybe it is time to pick up the phone and make the call. I know I'm gonna cry. I'm still a little hurt. Not as much as I was Sunday though. Am I bitter? Maybe a little. It needs to go. It's not helping me any.
God? Take this bitterness and hard feelings and hurt feelings from me. Help me to make the phone call that I need to make to begin to heal my friendship. I know there will be a scar from it, Lord, but a scar is better than an open, festering wound. God, my stomach is in knots because I know I am going to cry and I don't particularly want to cry. Give me peace. Thank you. Amen.
Friday, September 02, 2005
Our Story
It all started in September of 1996. I was a sophomore at University of Mobile. Each year, UM has several mission trips that it sponsors. I was in chapel that semester, so I heard the announcement about the trips for the next year. One of the trips was to Argentina for their mission meeting. I felt that I had to go on that trip. Around April '97 I started writing my letter to send out to friends and family letting them know where I was going and what we would be doing. I also sent a letter out telling people how to donate toward my trip if they felt led to. Our trip was set for December 28, 1997 until January 11, 1998.
I met Clayton on December 30. His parents are missionaries in Argentina and he was using his one free trip back to see them. He volunteered to work with the small group of us that had flown down. We ended up working together with the preschoolers, teaching them Bible stories during the day and playing with them at night. We spent most of our free time sitting outside talking. We spent a total of 8 days together at the camp the missionaries were at for their meetings. My group spent the next 2 days in Buenos Aires.
Clayton and I emailed each other until he got back to SC. He called me a few times and in March (yes, March!) we started talking about marriage. He used part of his spring break to come see me in Mobile. He met my parents. My parents weren't the least bit surprised that I thought he was the one I was going to marry. I came up to SC at the end of July that year. He came down to my best friend's wedding in November. I came to see him in March on my spring break. He came down for my college graduation. Two weeks before our wedding, I came up here to set up our house. The week before the wedding, we drove down to Florida. We spent a total of about 6 weeks in each other's presence. That's including the time in Argentina. Most of our relationship was on the phone and instant messages. We've been married for 6 years now. God has truly blessed us.
I met Clayton on December 30. His parents are missionaries in Argentina and he was using his one free trip back to see them. He volunteered to work with the small group of us that had flown down. We ended up working together with the preschoolers, teaching them Bible stories during the day and playing with them at night. We spent most of our free time sitting outside talking. We spent a total of 8 days together at the camp the missionaries were at for their meetings. My group spent the next 2 days in Buenos Aires.
Clayton and I emailed each other until he got back to SC. He called me a few times and in March (yes, March!) we started talking about marriage. He used part of his spring break to come see me in Mobile. He met my parents. My parents weren't the least bit surprised that I thought he was the one I was going to marry. I came up to SC at the end of July that year. He came down to my best friend's wedding in November. I came to see him in March on my spring break. He came down for my college graduation. Two weeks before our wedding, I came up here to set up our house. The week before the wedding, we drove down to Florida. We spent a total of about 6 weeks in each other's presence. That's including the time in Argentina. Most of our relationship was on the phone and instant messages. We've been married for 6 years now. God has truly blessed us.
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